- Explain the unlikeliness of it to people. Explain it away: the lack of anyone in our big Irish family who has had cancer, the way Mum only needs two beers to get drunk and tends to stop there, the fact she has never smoked and is a healthy weight and once got told by a psychic that she would live a charmed life. Build on the charmed life part. Don’t say it out loud, but let it be understood: things like this don’t happen to people like us. Continue reading “5 Ways to Cure Your Mum’s Cancer”
All I tweet about nowadays is the bus. I am on the bus for at least three hours a day. Sometimes, in the morning, I wish it was longer, because when you’re on the bus, you’re not in work.
So I’m on the bus, or I’m in work, and then I get home at various times of the evening and have tea and talk to my housemates and play with the hamster and read the internet and catch up on TV and have a shower and go to bed. I am dramatic about this, but this is everyone’s schedule, minus the hamster and maybe plus a dog or cat or child. I missed a Trump protest in my town, I’ve only seen one of the Oscar-nominated films this year, and at the weekends I sleep all day and then watch, like, half a horror film over a takeaway before going to sleep again, this time while it’s dark outside. Also I’m worrying about work the whole time and sometimes I’ll remember while my hamster is climbing up my arm or The Undateables is on and it’s like suddenly remembering a crime you’re on the run from. Like the end of The Sopranos. Continue reading “Too busy to write?”
- Top five times I called a Sia song that wasn’t ‘Titanium’ ‘Titanium’ to the absolutely crushing detriment of whatever point I was trying to make
- Top ten weird things strangers have said to me in the street
- Top ten ‘okay’s delivered after strangers have said things to me in the street
- Top thirty-six times I’ve missed the 36 bus Continue reading “A Collection of Top Whatever Lists I Could Write About 2016 But Won’t”