“So what are you going to do with your English degree?”


  • Sit quietly and patiently by Shakespeare’s grave for two thousand years, like the little boy in A.I., until he rises again and we just have a proper laugh together, and possibly solve crimes in a sort of Mulder-and-Scully set-up
  • Become a local “character” who sits in Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, drunk, telling everyone who sits nearby about that one essay I was really proud of. I will become an expert at delivering an abstract while simultaneously signalling for the bartender to fill up my glass
  • (loudly and cheerfully) “What WON’T I do?!”
  • Fetch and carry small items, outfits and foodstuffs for Russell T. Davies
  • Vanish entirely from the lives of everyone who has ever known me, popping up only in a brief shot of the audience in Aziz Ansari’s 37th Netflix special
  • Live a completely average life except sometimes I say that something is “liminal”
  • Return home very nervous from my teaching job, take many hot baths while shouting “Stella for star!!!”, really just unsettling things and making a point about society while all the time ensuring I am standing in a dim lightFeatured image
  • Somehow get a grant from the BFI so I can make the shot-by-shot ‘Reservoir Dogs’ remake I’ve been planning, where instead of Harvey Keitel et al. it is my guinea pigs
  • Scream forever
  • “I’m not sure really!”



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